Today at 13:30, I'm going to leave the office and head to my appointment with the Consultant. His name is Mr Mannur. I've Googled him and found out that he does the same operations for Bupa at the London Independent Hospital. So he sounds quite experienced.. I just can't get over the fact that his name is Mannur - I keep pronouncing it like Manure in my head. Ew. Poop. I'm obviously in mature mode today, huh?

I told my two big bosses at work yesterday about pursuing WLS.. one looked like I'd just told him I was going to have my girl parts removed (bless him, he's very sweet and I scarred him a few months back when I dared to tell him that I had cramps..) and the other told me that she didn't think I was big enough to have surgery. That was flattering, I suppose.

Here's something weird that I'll share with you - I have no concept of what my body actually looks like. I know the numerical value of my weight and what I see in the mirror, but I can't quite grasp how big or how not big I am. I look at other overweight people constantly and wonder if I'm bigger or smaller than they are. I wish I had someone with me, sometimes, who would actually say 'yes, you are her size' or 'your bum is actually a little bit bigger than hers'.. That way, I think I'd have more of an accurate body image. I know I'm overweight, but mentally I don't feel overweight - whatever that is supposed to feel like.

I just read/watch/hear so many things about how being overweight ruins peoples' lives and how they can't do certain things, find love, have children and I think - there's nothing I can't do because of my weight. Wait, okay, I know there are probably things that I can't do like fit comfortably in small spaces or shop at the Gap.. but nothing life altering that I can't have/do/want/achieve.

Does that make sense?